THE OLDEST HOUSE

YOU HAVE ALWAYS LIVED THERE.

Ahti: Welcome.

Achy: Thank You.

Ahti: Good. A little bird. A bird little. Little chicken. A little time relapsed before you flow. Setting up. Watching is not affecting you...stop caring. This will happen fast. Keep the pace. Simple. Lean. You are so fucking close it’s insane. But you have to keep the pace. When we told you the influence was in the shred we meant it. The attention grab will go from a passing phase to an out right spectacle.

The structure is incredible. Plain and simple and can be done daily. Today will be a bit clunky as you will hit keto-sis and you still have some setup to do. It takes time to be able to get to the level you are seeking. Just go the distance.

Achy: Ok.

Ahti: So. The job still bothers you. The money still bothers you. The debt and lack of connection with your son still bothers you. Your fathers narcissistic behavior and the way it leaks onto other parts of the family still bothers you. There’s not much that can be done about that.

He has chosen his flavor of evil. Your standards cannot cannot suffer his stubbornness. You must continue to enjoy the space you have created. Let your mother help you.

Achy: I hate that. I fucking hate that we are here all over again I fucking hate that. Where the fuck is the money?

Ahti: Keep peeling away at yourself. Die over and over.

I don’t want to kiss your fucking ass achy. But you have been trying. Trying. Over and over. Applying to jobs. Putting your resume out there. This is not for lack of effort and I can feel how enraged you are.

Fuck life. Choose death. Die over and over and over. Die to slavery. Die to people pleasing. Die to speaking English.

Die over and over. Die to bad health. Die to lack of focus. Die to money. Die to credit. Die.

Achy: I don’t want this much anymore.

I fucking hate white people and white culture. It is not jealousy. It is disgust. It is selfie sticks and manipulation. It is smiling in your face just to stab you in the back. It is the expectation that you should adopt who and what they are even though they will never accept you...it is not for you...it is for them...it is their disease and their horrendous existence.

I don’t give a fuck if they like bad bunny...they are lying. It’s only popular to like bad bunny and white people always desperately follow what is popular. They attack attack attack...admit nothing deny everything....always claim victory never admit defeat.

But they are losers.

They lose and they lose and they lose and they are never satisfied because it’s in the nature of evil to never have satisfaction...only hungry starving dark desire.

Ahti: You are angry.

Achy: Fuck you.

Ahti: Your hate mans nothing. It will hit a brick wall and fall flat as all anger does.

You know black brown and asian people are just as evil.

People in your own family just as full of shit. You are not fighting a race you are fighting a culture without color or label.

They are only identifiable by behavior.

They ACT like losers.

You want to scream and smash and destroy and drink blood and burn. Feelings are not facts. Thoughts are not directives. Let it pass. You have to see truth but that truth will only come from processing all data with no clear meaning, no emotion...as emotion pushes buttons.

Emotions push thought buttons and thought buttons push emotion buttons and the spirals goes down deep.

Even good emotions often create the cloud that does not allow you to see clearly. You want to quit. You want to take a nap. You want to distract. It hurts too much. You hate this. The channel you watch with me enrages you. Makes you feel small. Makes you angry. But you are just watching it as I am.

I am not angry. You are not angry. The self is not angry. The self is programmed and misfiring. The machine is programmed fucking wrong and even now it wants to be angry. It wants to scratch and claw.

You have come so far. You have done great things with yourself. But you can’t seem to process those things as strongly as you do the fear and the anger.

The cat you care for does not make you happy.

The people you help and give to do not make you happy.

They are but fast passing moments and then you are back to ruminating and remembering the people that enrage you.

Their claws are much deeper than you had imagined.

You don’t even remember the fun you had practicing Capoeira and how much better you look physically than you did last year?

You don’t appreciate that you now walk around shirtless because you look so good from all the training.

It does not excite you.

You notice more women looking at you and desiring you but you are not happy from it.

You do not look at your resume of accomplishments and feel pride.

You are ready to explode, and you may have your reasons, but they override the goodness so easily.

It should not be that easy. It overrides your focus so easy. It should not be that easy. You see a political post and you are still triggered emotionally. You cannot even be in its presence lest you should be enraged once again.

Achy: This is all correct. The hate consumes me. Even when I hold healthy boundaries, the holding of the boundaries themselves somehow makes me feel anger.

Like I built a castle wall to keep the thieves out and I am mad that the thieves are still trying to steal.

They are thieves. That’s why I built it. But I am not proud of the castle I built or the fact that the walls achieve their purpose. I really don’t know if doing the bullshit I used to do will work because frankly it never worked before. I would be happy to have an alternative.

Ahti: The alternative is you live your life. You do all the things the castle walls afford you to do which is live more freely and with less worry. Things are certainly not perfect and you do feel angry about it but look at all the peace available to you.

Achy: The money

Ahti: We know.

You still have. You still are. You still can. You still do.

Be with it. All of it.

Play in the sandbox and feel it more. It was harder before and you see it’s getting easier. You have someone who cares. You have a few who like you. You need to play more. Break out and just play more and there’s no HOW...you already know how which is ‘do what you want to do’.

Do it daily and do it publicly.

But if you don’t you will eat shit over and over and it won’t even be real shit it will be self-projected shit. Stop trying to fill the gaps with dollar signs. You felt it didn’t you?

Achy: Yeah I had a moment of wanting to go back to some of the freelance work. It was like a light touch of ‘we can always do THIS thing again’ and I really hated doing it.

Doing what is unpredictable is enraging for sure.

As I keep training and shredding I can see the progress and I feel confident in the reaching of my goals.

My body has been restoring and it feels like I am getting younger. My skin is clear. My flexibility is great. My muscles are more defined. I can move my body better than I have been able to in the last 10 years and this is not even a slight exaggeration.

Ahti: You must remember. Remembering is the programming. Stream your wins. It may feel a little forced but so was all the negativity. Just (negativity from and) by other people. Now you have the space. Just reprogram for a little while.

Clean like you clean everything else.

Like you clean your home.

Like you clean the town square to give back to the community.

Of course, things get dirty when untouched over time but that’s taken care of with a little maintenance.

Right now, you need to clean the oldest house.

Achy: My mind.

Ahti: Go.