NUEVE: ACHY

I NAMED MYSELF.

AHT-CHEE

I would say it over and over as an infant.

It was my effort to communicate to the world.

My great grandmother was the only one listening.

She decided it would be my name.

It stuck my whole life.

I don’t remember when I stopped saying it.

I don’t remember.

I was loud as fuck.

I gave my mom worms as a kid as a surprise.

She hated it and brings it up all the time.

It’s a special memory.

I was a fat kid after I was a skinny kid when I lived with my mom and then I lived with my dad.

He would call me Jelly Belly Bubble Butt.

He was funny.

He was angry.

He was unhappy.

He was looking for something.

I was a kid.

I was not looking for anything.

I was in school.

Public school and then private school and then a school in Puerto Rico and then back to Wisconsin again and then I went to college to be a Police Officer and I hated them because they taught us that Police Officers are officially separate from all other people in the world. When you are a cop you are nothing but a cop.

I used to fuck a hot cop.

Her name was Michelle.

She was an ex cop actually turned real estate agent. She told me she was chasing a black kid with two other cops for something that was not a big deal. They pulled a shotgun on him. She said she realized that they did nothing important for the world. She left. She followed her intuition.

Good girl.

When did I lose Achy?

The last time I can remember being called Achy was by my cousin Dennis.

I stopped talking to Dennis.

I wasn’t mad at Dennis I was mad at Katheryn. His wife. She started an argument with me to amuse herself at a bar. She flashed a mean smile after she had gotten what she wanted. I didn’t know what to call that behavior at the time. I just know I didn’t want to be around it. I never talked to either of them or that side of the family again.

He used to call me Ach-Cabach.

Funny.

I was maybe in my mid 20s.

I didn’t know I left it behind.

I was trying to become something.

I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I

I am Achy.

I went to the grocery store…the Walgreens…

no…

TJ MAXX…

I ran into Dennis’ mom.

My mother told me a story that she (Maria) had lied to my father about my mother cheating on him.

She admitted the lie later on and by that time my parents had split up and my dad tried to get back to her but my mom was not interested.

I understand.

Fuck Maria.

Paco was nice though…her ex husband. He deserved better.

Weak dad.

Sad dad.

I am Achy.

We went to Puerto Rico.

My dad and I.

We went to Florida first.

We went to Wet n Wild and Universal Studios. It was fun. I was sad. I missed my mom. Strong mom. Why are we born dumb?

This does not seem like a nice game for a god.

I love my mom I want to see her again.

Stopped writing to call mom on video.

She’s still beautiful.

She deserves better from me.

We talked about Brujeria. (Witch Craft) I was never really much into it until I began streaming. She told me a story about messing up her ankle and her mom brought her, not to a nurse, but a witch.

The witch healed her ankle in one sitting while telling my mom things about herself she never told anyone. Things she should not have known.

I COME FROM DARK WORK.

i am a dark worker.

I LIKE DARK.

I love mom.

She was scared, too.

She told me she didn’t want to learn Santeria or Brujeria because she knew Brujas (Witches) that used it for evil.

I understand.

My mom was always good and always strong. Even as a kid. I think she was afraid of doing something bad. I think if she had learned the ways that she would have done much good with it. Like I do.

I do good.

I am good.

Use whatever tool you choose…just do good.

I love mom.

I am Achy.

I am a dark worker…I do good from the shadows. I take what hurts you and I don’t fix you but I show you how you can be fixed so that you may love and trust yourself again. So that you may be who you really are.

What you really are.

Doesn’t that sound nice?

I am Achy.