I finally did it.
I read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
Okay I didn’t read at all…I listened to the audiobook on YouTube.
But man…
It’s really the kind of voice you need in your head if you’re:
Low Self-Esteem
Depressed
Anxious
Having Intrusive Thoughts
Etc.
I have thoughts that haunt me…and ones that distract me.
I have intrusive fantasies about moments that never will exist.
I get stressed out over moments in the past or fear the future.
The pain was not only in the thinking…but it was also in the realization that this thinking was NOT me and was INTRUDING on the present moment, which is all that really exists.
The intrusive thoughts would often hit so hard that when things were good, I could not tell. When things were bad, it’s like the trauma got exaggerated in my head…leaving me tired and apathetic. It was massively frustrating to know how little control I had over my awareness. I know my own potential and can see that of others when they are in close proximity and would feel a sense of jealousy…wondering why they seem so alive and I feel so disconnected from my-self.
The moment was either getting away from me or my subconscious was trying to reject it. I would wake up with anxiety as if my being was not ready to connect with reality. I wanted to escape it the moment I noticed it.
My saboteur archetype in full swing, convincing me I am not ready to even be alive…or willing for that matter.
I had moments of suicidal thoughts and would mentally self-attack often.
Basically, there were a lot of thoughts in my mind and I needed a way to clean house.
This book helped me do that.
It’s certainly not as efficient as a power wash but the exercises and just the act of listening to the audio have been enough to make great progress. Escape of the present moment is what I was doing. I can now catch myself drifting with relative ease. If I am caught in a thought loop or using escapism I can better break away from it. Although my attention span is still being built up, I have been experiencing more moments of clarity as I take time to learn AI as a personal tool and as a future career path.
I am here.
Deep breath.
No matter the explosive thought or the anxious feeling, I am here in this room at this moment.
I have to often wonder that if I saw all the time I spent in my pain and worry, would I regret it?
That would likely be a resounding yes.
We are all aware of our time and energy on some level, and want to preserve it for the best of times and avoid the worst as much as possible.
But the only moment that exists is NOW.
That’s it.
The funny thing is that NOW is not something that comes easy in this world. There are advertisement, news, and social media all grabbing at your attention and the noise will only get louder. But if you turn it off…
If you get clear.
You can meld into the present moment so much better and it will give you the tools to battle off some depression, anxiety, or stress among other things.
Give it a listen.