I recall being hired and fired from a bar tending job in the space of 3 days.
I know it wasn’t my fault.
From a birds eye view, I showed up, worked my ass off, took on extra tasks without question, and learned as much as humanly possible in a short time, even with years of experience.
However three people in positions of power decided they didn’t like me, took no time to understand me, began to make attempts at bullying me, and retaliated hard when I took even a simple stand for myself.
I felt shoved into my own head on multiple occasions.
I could feel the rush and flood of adrenaline coursing through my veins as my vision became blurry and I felt stuck and unable to inadequately express my point of view.
It was ‘unfair’…
But I learned a long time ago that some people are not happy with life so they want to find targets and become bullies to feel useful or worthy.
I have no sympathy for people like that.
It’s one thing to have low self-esteem but if you think that’s a reason to take out your day on another innocent person, you’re a fucking loser of such insane epic proportions that you will likely infect other generations (family. friends. children.) with your pathetic behavior before you make any real personal change.
…and personal change is where the power ACTUALLY IS.
But it still begs the question…
What is the R.O.I. of people pleasing?
MONEY. = Survival.
Let’s be honest. It’s the only reason you laugh at your bosses bad jokes. It’s why you let your manager stare at your tits or try and fuck you. (This happens to men, too. So, ladies, you better be here with some fucking empathy.) It’s why you are overly nice to prospects and clientele. It’s why the old douche at the country club feels like it’s okay to treat a teenager like shit while expecting respect and admiration.
MONEY.
Now, if you’re the type of genius who figured out how to get your cash without a boss trying to put a boot up your ass, congratulations.
But that’s not most of us.
The general population has woken up a long time ago to the fact that the American financial system is a Ponzi scheme and a tool for racism.
But it’s still the system we know the most because we were born into it.
And for centuries, men and women alike have used the capitalist gain to control and abuse people where and when they can. It’s sick, but it’s real, and it’s something that must be taken into consideration when living one’s own life.
Most of us have ‘danced’ for money at one point of another in life. There’s nothing wrong with being qualified and experienced but there’s certainly a problem if you feel like you ALSO have to be likable at every turn to every person to avoid losing your job.
In all honesty I don’t blame you if you do.
All my young life I felt a weird sense of jealousy for people that are able to just ‘fit in’…people who just follow the group and obey commands without question. They are the ones that tend to keep the job and the friend groups and the family dynamics…because they are willing to ‘play ball’.
But ever since I was a teenager I could see how that type of dynamic is, for lack of a better word, disgusting.
What dynamic?
The Master-Slave dynamic
The Master-Slave dynamic is the fast seeking of social pecking order through resource acquisition.
In other words…if I have more stuff than you do…or you depend on me for resources…I can treat you however I want to treat you.
The only way for that to change is by you getting more stuff than me or severing your dependence on me.
Very often, when toxic and low-self esteem people step into positions of power, they tend to go on ‘attack and abuse’ mode because they quite literally don’t know how to be a good person. They feel themselves in the master seat and act accordingly, seeking those who are in the slave seat to push around.
It’s understandable for you to do what it takes to keep your job. It’s sad, however, that people tend to fall into the master-slave dynamic as opposed to the…
The Collaborative Dynamic
This is where people get along, share and respect resources, get jobs done faster, and have greater impact.
This is where people have respect for the work, the mission, and the people who make it happen.
This is where understanding, empathy, power, and vision all stand side-by-side.
It’s awesome.
It’s also rare.
You will likely search for years to have a personal network that reflects those principles.
But it’s worth it.
So after all the talk about being a ‘good person’ and escaping the master-slave dynamic…
What is the R.O.I. of standing up for yourself?
Not a God-Damned thing.
Sorry.
You don’t get money from it very often.
You don’t make friends as much.
You piss people off a lot.
The hard truth is that standing up for yourself almost ALWAYS pisses people off.
Because the people who want to control you in the master-slave dynamic are not getting the result they are looking for. You are popping their mental bubble…the fake kingdom they have constructed in their minds is crumbling under your power so they are likely to throw a fit.
Okay I lied…THE R.O.I. is POWER.
This is a difficult choice to make when survival seems so much more important than power.
You got’ta eat, right?
But your ability to feed yourself comes from your sovereignty and personal power anyway.
You get yourself up.
You work.
You study.
You speak truth.
You take action.
The power has always been yours, but your upbringing has effectively beat it out of you.
Some people are okay with it. Some people live their entire life as the slave and are quite happy in the life it has structured for them. There’s actually nothing wrong with it if it makes you happy. Your life direction is totally up to you.
But if you’re feeling sick and trapped within the master-slave dynamic, understand that you can break out.
You always have the option of taking it slow and simply creating a life where you seek out the jobs, businesses, and people who have the collaborative mindset.
Piece by piece, you will find that you are living a lot more carefree and happy about your day to day existence.
However, once and a while, your best move is to revolt.
If someone talks down to you, literally tell them what’s on your mind and don’t allow them even an inch into your space. Tell them to fuck off. Tell them you’re not interested. Say nothing and walk away.
Just tear right out of their lives and don’t look back.
Of course, sometimes you’re stuck playing the long game in which case you do everything you can to prepare yourself for a smooth exit from the toxic situation. This calls for a lot of personal strength and control since you have to endure abuse while calmly building your exit strategy. You also have to resist the urge to snap back, or even to try and explain to a ‘master’ the mistake they are making.
The ‘master’ never learns…the ‘master’ is power hungry, reactive, and destructive. They are low self-esteem and thrive off attention, drama, and control. They are simultaneously the victim and the bully. They pretend to be the winner while feeling like a loser deep down.
As the slave, you buy into the story. You feel on some level that you are supposed to play the part…after all THEY have the money and resources. And since money and resources are considered value, it must be true. So you feel the need to act accordingly in order to survive.
To be completely honest, power is not ‘EASY’ to create when you feel powerless.
But money isn’t ‘easy’ to make when you feel poor, either.
I personally feel that both can be obtained but you have to become ‘good’ to truly get there.
Let’s define GOOD:
You collaborate. You care. You listen. You build. You are coach-able and teachable. You have values and live by them. You speak ‘truth’ and keep to your word. You take action and are resourceful even when money is unavailable. You are a master communicator and visionary.
It seems like a lot…but these things are ALL fully within your control.
You don’t have to be hardcore about it nor do you have to push your values on everyone else.
‘GOOD’ is a solo endeavor.
You judge yourself on this power.
The easiest way to know how well you’re doing is based on how you feel and how present you are on a regular basis. When you are in the space of being good, you’re not feeling all the other shit you hate.
The anxiety, the paranoia, the stress…
You’re not in your head and living in constant worry, even when things aren’t perfect.
It’s like you’re able to be happy and let go for once in your life.
POWER.
Which is funny because it’s not how we usually imagine power to be.
We imagine power as something we hold over other people…something to be given and take away. But power is internal…it’s cyclical and simple. It’s fulfilling and fun. When you are IN power you are not thinking about it. You are just living life and feeling deeply satisfied.
Those are very special moments.
Pay attention to them.
Also be aware of those moments you’re feeling desperate or defeated.
Those are the moments you are looking outside of yourself for power.
Drop them.
Go back inside.
Move on.