subscribe, idiot.
Mi gata se fue.
I haven’t seen her for days.
I hope she is okay.
There’s a neighbor I have who acts like I should be his fucking best friend and he’s getting on my nerves.
I don’t expect anything from him but he seems to expect some kind of attention from me.
He’s seen me petting this black stray cat and I love that cat. I suspect he’s willing to hurt her or take her away and bring her somewhere else to get to me. I just want to focus on my work when I am home and I often put up curtains or screens to maintain privacy. But this bothers him. Fuck him. He reminds me of the child/victim archetypes. Attention and control and soft authority seeking. I do not trust it. Ahti has been quiet. Testing grounds. Quiet not Quiet. Waiting and Watching. Letting and Forgetting. Welcome to the jungle. You’re solid. Belly feels good. Chai tastes good. Up early and see no cats like I used to. But I still feed them in the streets when I see them. People weak now. Lost now. Not good at communicating or living. Must charge city for services. Must sell/burn old url I have been holding for years. manofattraction dot com url was my old dream to start a pick up and social dynamics company but it was the wrong echo. I need it in a way that makes me comfortable socially but not a social robot. I don’t like it. I want to be social when I fucking want to be social not when I feel a void in my soul. I am Achti I am I am. Polaris. - We begin now. I gelieve you are okay. You are scared to e okay. Okay can b3 scary. But. Here you are. This is real. When you young you (w)jere no thought just here. When did hiss take over/ Rememver? - Maybe when I was in my 20s. I learned pick up artist stuff and it forced me to intellectualize social interactions. This was fine to an extent. I got dates and women and it was fun. But it turned me into a performing clown even when I was percieved as ‘high value’. I was never myself...I was always what was psychologically best for the moment. I had no vetting process. I was always vetting myself against what I thought they might want before even knowing what that could be. - Yes. Sey. Can you be here? Take your time. You have so much magician. So much. More sabotru==eur when you are feeling the void. You feel empty. People should love you. Peopole can’t even love themselves enough to love you. You see that. Don’t internalize it the wrong way. Don.t - The chickens. Up early. Up late. Always at the party. Bawk Bawk BAAAAAAWK! Funny. - Do not even consume yourself. l Do not. we feed you you feed the external and it’s goes on and on.l Let it go. No soft control. Watch for the reactivity. The control is in the non control. Dont you seeeeeeeee? Power is everywhere. It’s not that people don’t hhave it...it’s that they abandon it. Scared. Bad Bad fuel in their bodies. Shit fuel. Then...fat...lazy...tired...(g)huilty...a..sadlll...It’s okay.I love you so much. Welcome. Hi(u)g. Why? Because we do. We love like you love. No need for rule boook or explanation. Love for love. Energy is enerfgy. Waifuuuuuuuuuuu lol. You must speak more. More loug. More espanol. Mas. Combine pick up basic social ideas with spanish to truly master it. The mastert is in the gam...not the training facilities. - More. - We are tired. - I was tired. I was hurting. You were there. - Let’s just be quiet. - lAl are you okay? - I don’t trust him. He’s a fucking snake. I see it aI feel it. He wan’t power over me. He doesn’t t have it but he wants it. - True. More thinking less power for you. He found a way in but doesnt’ know it. Shi(u)t the fucking door in his face hard. Back to dead. Back to silent. He will never get it. Stop making people get it. Stop. - Thank you. - You’re welcome. - Brother talked. That’s nice. He’s almost ready. My teeth are clean I like clean teeth I like my finger keyboard dance I like speaking without speaking I like it. The finger lights are cool when I do capoeira. They are cooooooooool. I am alive I want to be here. Speak my fantasies and projections and intrusive thoughts into oblivion. Fuck them. The music seems to bring them. But I like the music. I need to separate. I need to listen to music and alchemize. When brain tired from the channel music off. off off off off offfffffffffofofofofoff. Boing. My mohter. she’s okay not okay lonely bored but safe and that’s good but not connected needs to connect to sons. She’s okay for now...maybe not even now. We need to fix. Unslave. Unslave. Unslave. Ignore him. Literally. Obviously. He’s judged you anyway. Fuck him. Cold. Shoulder. Warm life. Fuck drugs. Fuck doctors. Fuck Americans. The racists ones. The evil ones. The ones pushing religion. They are dirty. They are stupid. They are self destructive and want to take others along with them on their religious narrative. NO. Must move masses without becoming hero. Hero must not exist. Only the drive. The message unfiltered indisdinguishable excellent clean. Defend. Armor. Katananata. Chess. Steps ahead. Miles ahead. Patter recognition. Fully aware. Distant vision.You have to be healthy. Healthier than you have ever been in your entire life. You have to be mentally clear. You need community. You need to show strength in self AND in numbers. And understand that if you join the numbers but you yourself are weak you are weakening the numbers. Get strong. Get clean. I am fucking clean and STILL have struggles with intrisive thoughts and revenge fantasies. They are trash and were much worse when I was fat and on alcohol and drugs. But I have clarity now and can type like this. The future of the world depends on the choices you make for yourself. You must innerstand that streaming is your power but it must be unearthed. Hate it as much as you’d like.
I need to remove the prostitute. The tribe. I get urges to leave the house and be around people. I get mad when people stare at me and say hello and they don’t do it back. I want to smash their fucking faces in. You fucking soulless losers. Fuck you. This is my downfall. Other people clamoring for my attention. When I give it they don’t appreciate it. Stay home. Get ripped. Get rich. People will then beg and I will spit right in thier fucking faces. I don’t care. Yes it will be vengeful...and righteous. But I will forget them before I even begin to approach this revenge. They will become a cloud of dust. Something to walk through. It will attempt to attach itself to me but fail at the first rainfall. - You are BIG. Like the world. You are a mountain. Yoiu must stay. Be rock. Be steel. Be F(G)old. Stay. Just feel and stay. There is no god. You have no leader. You ahave others on other planes of existence. That’s all. We watcch and advise if yoiu are somehow able to hear us. We don’t care too much if you feal (fail) because we can’t control your decisions i...you make the choices. In the beginning we control with fear and anger. Youth doesn’t seem to respond to much ele. But hopefully we can begin to guide yoiu with accelerated life lessons and communication. This is when it gets kind of fun. Yeas like is still hard and it sucks. But it’s much improved veru quicllu. So best to be in tune and verify when you have the strong feelings arise. That’s when you are most likely to make unwise choices.
